June 11th 2018

Eleven days ago, with no symptoms and out of the blue I was told I had gallbladder cancer, I was told it was a very aggressive cancer. The next day I went to Cedar Sinai to see a surgeon, that's when I found out how bleake the odds were under any circumstances, two days ago, just when I thought I was handling it I found out that any thought of odds had been optimistic, there are no odds, we're talking about months not years. 

I found out that our brains don't have a storage room for hopelessness. Once hope is taken away usually our brains try to put it away, discard, no point in holding on, I didn't know what to do with the information, it was not sinking in. All I could feel was just pain that my brain could not process. Full disclosure, with the aid of some Pharmaceuticals and the railing of my family I'm now able to cope most of the time. The idea of leaving my son so soon is devastating. But for those moment when I can see beyond the dark I realize how precious and intense every common moment is. If this didn't kill me it would be the best trip of my life.