August 30

So far I've been trying to live in the present and enjoy every moment as much as I can, but sometimes all I can think is just don't want to die. I want to travel, I want to make plans, I don't want to leave my son, I want to meet my grandchildren.

August 28th

For the good news, there's only one tumor left, it's in my liver and it has shrunk quite a bit. The bad news, they're still at two more left. I understand that for this particular kind of cancer it doesn't make that much of a difference, even if they had caught it before it metastasized and removed it completely, the survival chances then would have been below 50%, but I was hoping for a respite, maybe a few months without chemo.
Apparently all the awful symptoms that I had this week come from another stones that I'm passing or the original stone that's still passing.
It just occurred to me that if I had a profile in something like match.com, I would have to update it to: Ideal for men with fear of long term commitments.😂

August 27th

I haven't felt well for almost a week and I'm scaring myself wondering if this is the best I'm ever going to feel again?

August 24th

I have been feeling awful for 3 days.

August 20th

Yesterday I saw Liat, my sobrina from Israel  I am she came by.
Later I spent the evening with Michael at the Farmers Market, I had a really nice time, Michael is being really sweet.
Now I am waiting for chemo. My tumor markers dropped some more  😊

August 18th

I've been gone for a few days, I mean from here.
I just got my latest electricity bill, $419, that's the cost of staying home so much in the hottest month ever. I'm buried in paperwork trying to get a break.
Yesterday I went for dinner with Jorge I had a very nice time. Tonight I'm going to hang out with  Beatriz and we're going to see my parents

August 13th

Tonight I had dinner with Michael. He came over this afternoon and help me with the my mess of paperwork a lot.

August 11th

Today I went for lunch with Monica, Mariana and Rossy.

 I had a great time. I also got to meet Monica's parents.

August 10th

I've been feeling lonely  lately.
The stupid insurance company refused to approve the Pet Scan that the doctor ordered. So now I have to prepare myself for battle

August 8th

No sé que es peor pasarme el tiempo que me queda trabajando en vez de disfrutando o pasarme el tiempo que me queda demasiado pobre para disfrutarlo

August 6th

My tumor markers are almost normal.
I asked the doctor if there was any chance it may go away permanently, he said there's always a chance but it's not likely. Still, this is very good news. After all, it wasn't likely that the chemo was going to work either so I got my first miracle.
Now, if I could only deal with the fatigue and spasm pain life would be better

August 4th

Not a good day. I vomited violently after breakfast. I am now officially in debt so I'm looking at a future that gets poorer as it gets longer or worse it gets shorter.
My parents are not doing well at all and I think part of it is my fault. I asked Michael to please call me from Berkeley, that I had a bad day, but so far I did not hear from him. I'm happy Beatriz came to get me.
It makes me really depressed to think that I wasted a day again because I felt so miserable all through it and I'm terrified about a job that I took next week and I don't think I can make it. I've been feeling pretty lonely most of the week.

August 2nd

Today I went to visit my parents and I met Michael there. Then I came home and I went to see Julia who had Esther staying over. For old-time sakes Esther brought me a bottle of vodka.
Michael left for the weekend to go to a wedding in Berkeley.
Julie was supposed to be coming over this Saturday but she stood me up, now I have nothing to do. It's funny how I always wanted to live by myself and now suddenly I feel lonely when I have nothing to do or no one to see, that's kind of pathetic.

August 1st

Monday I had chemo and as every Wednesday I woke up nauseous. On top of everything yesterday I took a bad fall and both of my knees are killing me.
Everyday I am more and more touched by the generosity of my friends.