July 29th

Yesterday I spend most of the day with Michael wondering to Downtown LA, we went to the Clifton bar and after walking around different places we ended up in Chinatown for dinner.
Today I went for lunch with Mariana, Estela Elisa and Rossy. I had a great time and I feel very fortunate and thankful for the people in my life.

July 27th

My car Insurance  $1,500 for a year I'm not sure I will live through, getting seriously into debt.
Michael and Julie were here yesterday for dinner, Michael was fighting about everything that made no sense and what's not important.

I'm seeing Jorge tonight.

July 25th

Today I felt awful all day. I was nauseous and my stomach has been hurting since the morning. I turn down friends that tried to visit and eventually the sun went down and I started crying when I realized I had wasted a whole day.
Alee was the light of my whole day she's amazing

July 24th

Michael came for dinner yesterday and he was actually a lot of fun, meaning he was being very funny.
I'm getting scared that this new adventures going to end. People will start to forget, I'll have no more money for anything, Michael will get tired over my high maintenance of the moment. I'm also getting more successful pushing away from my mind that there is no end to this adventure that I would possibly like.

July 21st

Yesterday I went with Jorge to this charming Wine Bar downtown Los Angeles, it was really nice and it's nice to feel like I'm in a city.
Today Rossy and Mariana took me for lunch to a very nice restaurant In The Sunset Plaza.
Tonight Julie and her girlfriend came over and we went out for dinner.
I am so thankful to the people in my life.
Some days it feels like life could be normal

July 19th

I had a very scary  morning. Julie and Michael are coming for dinner tonight and I'm really looking forward to that.
I'm trying to sell my piano now, I listed it on eBay

July 16th

Michael came back, yesterday we went to visit my parents, I gave him the will, then we went to the village for a drink and then we walked for some time on Ventura.
Today I saw dr. Mena and he told me my tumor markers were down, meaning that the treatment is working. Now I'm getting chemotherapy and then Michaels picking me up. We're going to go to this place so I can meet his cat and see the new place, and then he's going to be cooking some awesome salmon he knows how to make.

Bastille day

Now that the side effects from the chemo started I have to reassess my priorities. Beatriz and Julie are coming over and then we are meeting Mónica at Cafe bidou for dinner.

July 12th

The whole family, except for Michael got together to celebrate Tommy's birthday and goodbye, Luis and his family joined us together with Jorge and some of the kids friends.
Feeling nauseous scares me.
Five of the kids are spending the night.

July 11th

It was a bad day today, for the first time I felt nauseous most of the day and really sleepy, I could barely keep my eyes open. I got my my will signed.
thank God Beatriz came to visit because I did not feel like getting out of mine nightgown all day, Monica tried to come but I was too sleepy to coordinate.

July 10th

Dying has been very disruptive to my schedule. Yes, that's me trying to keep a sense of humor in spite of it all.
Yesterday Julie came to pick me up at chemo and hang out with me for a while. She's just so incredibly nurturing and has always been.
So far I've heard nothing from SSDI and I'm leaving out of your help and Air.
 Today I went with Julia to see my parents and then I went to my favorite $8 yoga class.
 An attorney is coming tomorrow to finalize my will so I'm going to sleep now.

I had a really hard time sleeping yesterday but today I woke up in a very nice morning, feeling a lot better than usually.
 I had a very nice time with Jorge yesterday.
 today I woke up once again in awe of people's generosity
Tomy came over, we went for dinner and then we had an profound conversation, I was amazed at his level of introspection and honesty.

July 7th

The Big Bang didn't just create matter and Energy,  it all came with a set of rules, the laws of physics. Men did not create the laws of physics.

 I'm looking forward to seeing Jorge tonight.
It's so strange, when you're down, and lying on the floor
How you rise, shake your head, get up and ask for more
Clear-headed and open-eyed, with nothing left untried
Standing calmly at the crossroads, no desire to run
There's no hurry anymore when all is said and done
Standing calmly at the crossroads, no desire to run
There's no hurry anymore when all is said and done
ABBA

July 6th

 right now I really hate soccer.
Tonight I'm going for dinner with Beatriz and her family, she's being super nice with me. Still trying to get out of bed. I have also been dealing with my will.
 Beatriz is really a sweetheart.  yesterday I met her sons,  both really handsome kids.

I hate the terror and despair I wake up in every day. I have to turn around my whole head and try to look at my day for whatever is going to bring as my future and hope there's something in it that's going to make me happy. They usually is for now. My nephew and my son are coming to visit today and I still have enough hair to go do my roots.

July 3rd

This morning I went for the genetic testing.

The hypnotherapy really helped, this morning was the best I've had so far.
Julie and Khayyam are visiting. 😊
I'm going with them to visit my parents.
Michael is going for a week to Mexico next week, I'm already dreading it.

July 2nd

Today I woke up with a full-blown panic attack mostly because when I dream my impending doom is in my dreams  and then I wake up to reality.
I'm thinking how much I'm thankful to have my parents around caring and worrying as unfair as it is, and thinking how my son will not have me when he needs me, when life turns hard and bad things happen. I feel I'm abandoning him and it's tearing me apart. I never thought I could feel so much pain

July 1st

Yesterday Julie, Tomy and Beatriz came over for dinner and then the children stayed over and it was really nice.
On the other hand I had a hard time sleeping I kept waking in deeper and deeper darkness and panic attacks.
Frank is coming over and I'm going to go with him to visit my parents. And then later tonight Michael is coming over for dinner and bringing food from Los Agaves.  I really missed not hearing from him yesterday.